The Ex

This week the ex has been here more than he's been at home....where ever that is. I still don't know where he is officially living...supposedly at his mothers , but what 40 year old man would still be at his Mums 2 1/2 years after moving out? It doesn't quite wash. He has a permanent girlfriend (see profile) and has had for longer than 2 1/2 years (you get the picture?).

Anyway, he told my son he would decorate his room while he was away at cub camp (my son, not the ex) and has been here sanding,painting and assembling for most of the week. It's all part of the control thing. I could have easily done it, and have been left with a lot to finish off as it happens, but it gains him access to the house and gives him a major say in proceedings. Part of me is glad of the help ( I hate DIY with a passion) but part of me wants him to just butt out. For the past 2 1/2 years he's been here at least once a week...sometimes staying for most of the weekend. I'm not sure what the girlfiend (not a typing error) makes of all this....if I was seriously seeing a bloke and he spent half his life round his ex's (kids or no kids) I'd be pretty hacked off. I think he's probably controlling her pretty well, as he did with me for many years.
His argument is he has nowhere to take the kids and if I don't let him come in the house they will be the ones to suffer. It's emotional blackmail, but it works, particularly with Librans (that's me). There have been times when I have said no, for example, when I was seeing the Tall Guy as he would come over quite a lot. Boy...did that cause problems. The Ex became, awkward, difficult and his time keeping deteriorated remarkably. Don't need to be a psychologist there.

These days we get on fairly well as long as we stick to neutral subjects and in an ideal world, that's how it should be. He still pisses me off though, but don't forget, I spent 17 years with the guy and know exactly how to get his goat in ten seconds flat! It's beautiful sometimes to to make a narky comment and then reel him in. But it always backfires in the end.

For ages, I still fancied him like mad: he was good looking, tall and great in the sack. But lately his hair has become very grey, is receding rapidly and boy, has he put on weight. I can honestly say that if I met him in a bar and he hit on me I'd probably give him the flick. I know looks are unimportant in the grand scheme of things, but he hasn't really got the personality to make up for it these days. He's boring, bossy and dictatorial most of the time; having said that, going to court and getting a decent settlement out of him has quietened him down a bit.Not quite sure what the girlfiend is getting out of the relationship at all. He's hardly ever there (as he's here or working late), is a moody bastard and has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle. (Plus is giving nearly half his salary to his ex...me!).For ages I wanted my revenge, but I think having to put up with him is revenge enough. Plus the fact I'm same dress size as when we first met in 1986 and still have my own hair!

The biggest problem in our marraige was the mother in law. What a manipulative old cow she was/is! She was the worst combination of everything....a snob, opinionated, bossy, fussy,interfering (to the point of letting herself into my house and rearranging things-oh yes!) but very thick. Which meant she had little insight into most of her behaviour. The Ex never stuck up for me....which ironically became a major sticking point. I can't believe we spent hours in counselling discussing the old bat...not worth five minutes. But hey ho...not only am I divorcing him, but I get to divorce his crummy family too, which can only be a good thing.

So he's over again tonight...we're driving down to Hampshire to fetch my son from cub camp. That's another strange feeling...sitting next to him the car. Too much like being married again. I'll let you know how it goes after I've dealt with 10 tons of stinky boy washing and reassembled the bedroom.