Told you so....and texting.

It's Friday...I received a text from the Beast proclaiming a sore throat ,so the poor baby can't come out to play. Told you so.
It's totally pathetic...take a pill and get a life. Or have the guts to be honest and tell the truth to my face.(ie: 'I don't want to see you', not in text format. A 'phone call would be better than that.) Text is such a bullshit way to communicate. It's ok for quick messages like 'meet you 2pm under the rainbow', but nothing else in my opinion. I once actually got dumped by text....it was 4 separate texts long and I couldn't be bothered to read the fourth! Oh...and text sex! What is that all about then? By the time you've got your knickers off it's 3 hours later, you've missd your fave TV programme and you've run up a bill larger than a small African country's national debt.

Boys....if you want to get ahead of the crowd, talk to the women in your life. They will appreciate it, know you care and you're more likely to get into their pants. It also makes you more of a man...you're not hiding behind anything.

He got a text back. It just said 'Ok'. After this post has been written I'm not going to waste any more energy on him.

Would you believe it, he's just popped up on msn looking for a chat. Got short change from me:I'm so furious. If he just could have rung...that's all it takes. He's says he's tired of trying to keep the world happy...well , trying a bit more considerate mate and they will be happy with you.

Grrrrrrrrr!

The Boys are Back (Well, some of them).

Men are like buses...you don't see one for ages and then they all come along at the same time.

The Health Freak is back from Salt Lake City, even more healthy than ever and very excited about his new healthier status. I'm not sure I can keep up there, to be honest. I've given up smoking (again) but the patches are keeping me awake at night. I keep forgetting to take the fucking things off. The first night I wore one I spent most of it puking, you would think that would remind me , wouldn't you? So we've been chatting on the 'phone..he's very impressed by my new smoke free status, but until I live on alfalfa beans and can run 3 marathons back to back, I don't think I'll get much of a look in. He is a dish though...perhaps best served in small doses.

The Beast is back with a vengeance. Very horny, very keen and asking for a rendeavous. We have fixed this Friday, but I'll wait until Friday morning before I believe it. He's been up in Scotland...says all the women up there are either Les Dawson look alikes or jail bait, so at least he's appreciating Southern Women. I guess that excludes half the population of the UK as serious competition then. I could be in with a chance. We've had a couple of 'phone conversations and he's sent texts saying how randy and big he is. If Friday happens, it will be a lot of fun. I need it...it's been too long.

Action Man is calling every few days from Afghanistan still. I'm looking forward to meeting him...I hope the reality lives up to the dream...it rarely does, but here's hoping. He's very sweet and I love talking to him, but there's a massive time delay so the conversations are a bit stilted. I can't believe I've been talking to someone for getting on for a month now, have never met, but seriously like him. Is it a dream...? Well....a girl can ,can't she.

The cameraman was actually on the news getting shot at. I e-mailed to check he was ok and we've been talking a lot since. After 20 texts the other night, I called him as I figured it would be cheaper. I thought he was back in the UK. No...he was in Dubai, decompressing ,as they call it. He called me back, courtesy of the TV station no doubt, and we had 'phone sex for an hour. It still makes me laugh, but the boys like it...infact...I think they like better than the real thing. He's still seeing his woman, but it doesn't seem to stop him from playing around. (If that's what you can call it). If I was some bird doing it on a sex line (probably while knitting) I could understand it, but he knows me (well) so in my book it's a tad dishonest. But he's not married and not living with her, so he's fair game in my book. Enough women have done it to me in the past.
We were on web cam today...(he's now home, recognised the sofa)...and we were at it again. But with 'pictures'. It was great fun actually. We've agreed to meet for coffee...that will be interesting. Do you think it will be coffee? Hmmmm....well I'mm up for it, anyway.

So for someone who's not been near a man in weeks, I seem to be getting an awful lot of sex. It's a weird world we live in...I ought to take out shares in Duracell.

Robbie

I spent all day and night Saturday travelling, queuing, standing, eating crap,paying extortionate prices ,enduring foot and back ache, getting stood on,having beer spilled on me, narrowly missed being puked on, all to see Robbie Williams live at Milton Keynes.

It was totally worth every second.............

A certain type.....

I mentioned several posts ago that the cameraman was in Beruit. I contacted him the other day, and he sent me an e-mail from.....Afghanistan! Of all the places in the world to get e-mails from, that has to pretty high up in the street cred stakes and doesn't happen very often , I'm sure you would agree. Of course, this was followed by frantic news watching to make sure the poor old soul was alright. (Well...wouldn't you, if you knew someone over there?). There was no webcam shennanigins this time...he was obviously too busy to get his willy out, but it was nice to hear from him. But he's obviously back now as all has gone quiet again.

The point in telling you this is about to follow. Lightening doesn't strike twice? Oh yes...it does.I have also alluded to a Barrister/soldier with whom I have been communicating, and didn't want to hex things by telling you too much too soon.

Well, we've been talking (a lot) and I'm seriously getting to like someone I've never met. (It happens...otherwise how would prisoners on Death Row find themselves brides from half way around the world? Not that we've reached that point, I'm not THAT mad). He said he was very busy with army stuff and we wouldn't be able to meet for a while yet. I thought he was doing the usual thing...ok to flirt on the net, but not much else. Then it went quiet for a few days. Ok, I thought, that's the end of him. I then had an e-mail from.....da da daaaaaaa....Afghanistan! Then I got a call on my mobile from...da da daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...Afghanistan. (So he's keen...good). Do you think I go for a certain type? Do we detect a pattern emerging?

Needless to say...I'm glued to the news again, and The Barrister has been renamed Action Man. Lets just hope he has a little more in the trouser department...!

P.S. The Beast has gone quiet, The Health Freak is in Salt Lake City learning how to be even more healthy and get himself 6 wives, FM never called in the end, but I still chat to The Tall Guy now and then. Keep smiling!

Healthy Living...I wish!

I have just had the most lovely in time in Chiswick with the Health Freak. But we have to go back to last night to get the full story.....
I went to my friends for a glass or two of wine and to watch Robbie Williams Live (we love him) and have a bit of a gossip. (We also have tickets to see him in Milton Keynes next week....there is a God after all. I saw him in Paris earlier on in the year and a couple of years ago in London too. Yes...I love him....ok?!)Unfortuately, it turned into several glasses of wine and half a bottle of Drambuie. Now, I'm not much of a drinker and feel the effects most acutely and last night was no exception. How the hell I weaved home without getting killed is beyond me. (I was walking by the way, not driving). So meeting a Health Freak the next day with a raging hangover is probably not the best idea.It was a glorious today...hot sunshine and all the beautiful people were out (Particularly us!. The advantage to being very healthy is you look incredibly good...this guy is no exception). Most of the time I'm not hungover and radiant as a little piece of sunshine, but when we met I was slugging a coffee and hiding behind sun glasses in a desperate attempt to hide the bags and array of wrinkles that popped up inexplicably during the night. (Well..maybe not inexplicably). God, he looked gorgeous and I looked like a raddled old hag. Having said that, we have been seeing each other on and off for a while now so he knows me well enough. I was grateful only to get a ten minute lecture on vitamins and diet and the effects of a sinful life, and while he was preaching at me I just oggled his muscles and healthy air. So everyone was happy. There was lots of touching and a fair bit of hand holding so to cut a long story short I offered myself on a plate. (Well, in bed to be exact, but you get the drift) .I knew it wouldn't happen today as he had to go on somewhere else but I wanted to make it clear what my dishonourable intentions were . He was worried it would change the state of the relationship and didn't think it would be a good idea, then proceed to snog my face off, grab my tits, fondle my arse and stick his hard on up against me.(IN THE STREET!!!!! Ok..we were round the corner but...?) So, you go figure that one? Men...don't understand 'em, can't live without 'em... He will fall eventually, I know it. I'm ultimately irresistable. Even the Ex still wants to shag me...that's why I make him so furious. Can I just add here that for some reason blogger won't let me put this in paragraphs , which is why it's looking like a bad rant.

Rumbled...

I've beem rumbled. I mentioned to the HF I had a blog and he guessed the title in 2 minutes flat and logged on. Thank God I didn't write anything awful. He has promised not to read it but I know he will (and I know you're reading this now, you lying bastard) but I guess if you live by the sword you die by the sword. (Better than being a boring, snoring old fart I say).

Anyway, I've got a date for this weekend with him, although a quick one. (Yes....I was planning to lure you into my bed but you would rather watch the rugby. Ok....I can live with that....for now. Just don't get too pissed on Saturday so you can't meet me on the Sunday. 'Cos if you do I'll tell the whole world! )

The beauty of that last paragraph is that HF has promised he won't look at it. So if he's read it he can't say or do anything about it, and if he hasn't, then no harm done.

It's telling that someone that I thought I didn't know too well has read me well enough to come up with the title of my blog, google it, and read in next to no time. It must mean I'm a completely shallow open book and I've learned a salutary lesson in keeping my big mouth shut.

Now does anyone have directions to Chiswick........?

Ooh..Nursey!

Something I haven't told any of you yet...I work as a nurse. Well, a nurse teacher to be precise, but I often participate with clinical care. (How can you teach it, if you don't do it? And how can you ask other nurses to do it, if they don't see you doing it?). I often get some odd requests from my patients, my favourite so far being 'Can I lick your vagina?', but today was a classic.

I was helping a little, incontinent, 80 year old lady with her morning wash. She asked me very politely to shave the whiskers from her chin and take her false teeth out and clean them.

'Then', she said, 'If I want to snog anyone, I can!'

Sometimes, I really love my job.xx

The Ex

This week the ex has been here more than he's been at home....where ever that is. I still don't know where he is officially living...supposedly at his mothers , but what 40 year old man would still be at his Mums 2 1/2 years after moving out? It doesn't quite wash. He has a permanent girlfriend (see profile) and has had for longer than 2 1/2 years (you get the picture?).

Anyway, he told my son he would decorate his room while he was away at cub camp (my son, not the ex) and has been here sanding,painting and assembling for most of the week. It's all part of the control thing. I could have easily done it, and have been left with a lot to finish off as it happens, but it gains him access to the house and gives him a major say in proceedings. Part of me is glad of the help ( I hate DIY with a passion) but part of me wants him to just butt out. For the past 2 1/2 years he's been here at least once a week...sometimes staying for most of the weekend. I'm not sure what the girlfiend (not a typing error) makes of all this....if I was seriously seeing a bloke and he spent half his life round his ex's (kids or no kids) I'd be pretty hacked off. I think he's probably controlling her pretty well, as he did with me for many years.
His argument is he has nowhere to take the kids and if I don't let him come in the house they will be the ones to suffer. It's emotional blackmail, but it works, particularly with Librans (that's me). There have been times when I have said no, for example, when I was seeing the Tall Guy as he would come over quite a lot. Boy...did that cause problems. The Ex became, awkward, difficult and his time keeping deteriorated remarkably. Don't need to be a psychologist there.

These days we get on fairly well as long as we stick to neutral subjects and in an ideal world, that's how it should be. He still pisses me off though, but don't forget, I spent 17 years with the guy and know exactly how to get his goat in ten seconds flat! It's beautiful sometimes to to make a narky comment and then reel him in. But it always backfires in the end.

For ages, I still fancied him like mad: he was good looking, tall and great in the sack. But lately his hair has become very grey, is receding rapidly and boy, has he put on weight. I can honestly say that if I met him in a bar and he hit on me I'd probably give him the flick. I know looks are unimportant in the grand scheme of things, but he hasn't really got the personality to make up for it these days. He's boring, bossy and dictatorial most of the time; having said that, going to court and getting a decent settlement out of him has quietened him down a bit.Not quite sure what the girlfiend is getting out of the relationship at all. He's hardly ever there (as he's here or working late), is a moody bastard and has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle. (Plus is giving nearly half his salary to his ex...me!).For ages I wanted my revenge, but I think having to put up with him is revenge enough. Plus the fact I'm same dress size as when we first met in 1986 and still have my own hair!

The biggest problem in our marraige was the mother in law. What a manipulative old cow she was/is! She was the worst combination of everything....a snob, opinionated, bossy, fussy,interfering (to the point of letting herself into my house and rearranging things-oh yes!) but very thick. Which meant she had little insight into most of her behaviour. The Ex never stuck up for me....which ironically became a major sticking point. I can't believe we spent hours in counselling discussing the old bat...not worth five minutes. But hey ho...not only am I divorcing him, but I get to divorce his crummy family too, which can only be a good thing.

So he's over again tonight...we're driving down to Hampshire to fetch my son from cub camp. That's another strange feeling...sitting next to him the car. Too much like being married again. I'll let you know how it goes after I've dealt with 10 tons of stinky boy washing and reassembled the bedroom.