Peaking too soon.....

The new kid on the block is a barrister.(The Barrister). He's also an ex-soldier. I've decided to tell because all has gone silent and we obviously have peaked after all. ( That's not him up the top, by the way...just a piccy to illustrate the point)

Now, I know you guys reading this will say...'but it's only a day!' but we were doing 5 e-mails a day over the weekend. And I know you guys will say....'But he's been working, what do you expect?'. Well...he's had time to go on the internet dating site and his e-mails were LONG, so even if a tad busy, I would have expected to get a couple of words to that effect. And I've been working (had a bastard of a day actually) but have managed to get on the internet with the rest of you good people.

I've never met or even spoken to the guy, but the e-mails were lovely and we had so much in common. I haven't felt a connection like that so soon for a long time and was hopeful. Turns out he was a player like the rest of them after all.

The FM is back but not in contact. Looks like that's definately it then. I sent an e-mail saying thanks for the lovely date and hope we can do it again, but also said if you don't want to see me again, would you please just say? Bollocks did he! Silence is the strongest message in the world I guess.

Next time , I'm not saying a word until I've met some one. It seems telling you lot is really putting the kybosh on my love life.

May I just say here, that I'm not a minger...I'm tall , blonde, pretty and have 34" legs. I consider myself good company and don't do the bunny boiler thing. I'm not desperately seeking a husband or a man to father children, so WHAT is going wrong here? I'm just after a bit of good company and some sex now and again. We're all mature adults here, or so I thought........I'm going to give it a rest for a while. I'll be back if anything happens.

The weekend, cake and shoes.

The Beast finally contacted while I was out running. (Got to keep my bum pert, but I hate it). He couldn't even speak...I just got a text saying he needed to be ALONE. Please...spare me the Greta Garbo's, you're a grown up! Funnily enough, I wasn't that bothered although a little concerned about when I'm actually going to get some sex. We cannot live on bread alone. My poor rabbit.........

I decided to join my friends down the pub for a drink and had a pleasant evening. I didn't go home alone...I gave my friends babysitter a lift as I was the only one not drinking.

Just as I was getting into bed at 12.30, the 'phone rang. It was the Beast, with a big horn, wanting entertaining. He was regretting his decision and wished he was with me. Tough luck, Mate! He was hinting about still seeing me but I wasn't going to suggest it...it has to come from him. Let it never be said I'm a beggar.So an hour of 'phone sex later I finally got to go to sleep. I even faked it to get rid of him (Can you believe it guys, we even fake our orgasms on the 'phone. A couple of sighs and a squeak and you're happy. Marvellous. If only everything else in life were that simple).

Sunday was long and tedious. I was starting to regret not asking him over after all. As Monday was a bank holiday and I was attending a charity cricket match I decided to bake a cake as there was to be a competition. Boredom is a wonderful thing for creativity. I ended up making two. One decorated (for the decorated section) and one edible(for the best taste section). Hey, guess what guys? I won the best tasting cake! So if you see a load of overweight cricketers waddling around you know why.....they're stuffed full of cake. (But only the high quality stuff!)

Now...a new kid is on the block. In the last 2 days a high level of e-mails have been exhanged and it seems this particular person and I have have a lot in common. I can't say more as I don't want to jinx things, but he looks and sounds very promising. I don't have a name for him yet, but I will keep you posted. He's trying to get fruity (ie: do you wax, shave or are you au naturelle) but I'm not having any of it. He's too good to lose and I don't want to peak too soon. (For the more curious among you, waxed, Brazilian, very neat!) But you know that, and he doesn't.

Keep your fingers, toes and legs crossed.

P.S. I bought some fabulous shoes today....red high heeled courts with white polka dots. Lets hope I get to walk over a few chests in them.....

P.P.S. Still no word from the FM. And the cameraman has also gone AWOL again. Messrs. m.a.d, and swandad....I think your synopsis of the situation is 100% accurate. He does actually have a girlfriend (recently, he told me), but if he's in the first throws of a new relationship and he's still getting his kicks elsewhere, she must either be an atrocious fuck, or he's more of animal than previously thought.

Quiet week.

It's been such a quiet week. No dates and hardly any contact. I know it's the holiday season, but God, am I bored?! Time has been sliding.

Have taken the kids to the seaside, art galleries, long walks, cinema, theatre and out to dinner. Well....I'm now broke but at least they're happy!

The beast is supposed to be coming over tomorrow (I'm in need of some 'Loving', it's been a while) but he's not sure now and I'm waiting to hear back. He said he would let me know in half an hour an hour and a half ago. I must remember that female time is different to male time and try not to get annoyed.Mars and venus are obviously in different time zones!

I still haven't heard from the French Man. I think he's in France though, as he hasn't been on the website.

The cameraman has been e-mailing, constantly asking me about my sex life. He only stopped when I suggested he didn't have one at the moment and that as why he was e-mailing me! Little boys are so easily scared off.(Would a guy with a happy healthy sex life get his willy out on webcam? Please, anyone that can shed light on that one, please do!).

SO....off to the pub tonight. Who knows, the man of my dreams might be there.......NOT!

P.S. To m.a.d. who left the comment..thanks for that. Very encouraging! It's now 2 weeks tho'.

Quick update.

The FM has not been in touch. I was right there...I don't think I'll ever hear from him again.Bastard.

The Cameraman e-mailed me out of the blue.He is in Dorset with his children. He only ever contacts me when he's at least a long drive away. I think there's a message for me somewhere in that.

I went out for a drink with the Hobbit Friday night. Had a great time. He's such a lovely boy, but SO not for me.

I've not contacted the Beast as I think he's better after he's been left to stew for a bit, but we have arrangements for next week. That's always something to look forward to.

I've been in touch with another bloke I call the Health Freak. He's lovley, we've been seeing one another since January but nothings ever happened. We went for a chinese in Soho the other week and it sort ofclicked for me then, but he lives 150 miles away and is rarely in London. I'm keen to see him again though, and am going to a workshop thing (on health and well being funnily enough) with him at the end of the month. I think rock climbing wil be more fun though. I'll tell you more about him after I've seen him next.

The Cameraman

Back in January I met The Cameraman. We talked on line for a while, then we spoke on the telephone, but to be honest I wasn't too keen at the time as my sights were set on another. He persued me relentlessly.

After a while I started to warm to the guy, but felt we would probably just be friends. In fact, I once told him to piss off as I was in the bath getting ready for another date. (And do you know what, I can't even remember who with now!) Gradually though we spent more and more time talking...again, about what I wouldn't have the first idea. Some of it was about his exploits as a cameraman, as he worked for a major news channel and had been all over the world covering some amazing events. I would defy any of you reading this not to have seen something he had filmed. Anyway, we decided to meet. I was starting to become impressed, and more to the point, liked him.

I didn't make much of an effort the first time. Ok...I was bathed and had make up on , but that's common courtesy to anyone you're meeting, in my opinion. We met at Hampton Court Palace. It was a freezing cold day and we walked round and round. I can remember feeling vaguely disappointed when I first saw him. Not my type at all. BUT....and this is a massive but...he had the most amazing voice and accent. Now, I would love to tell you what the accent was, but there can't be that many cameramen fitting all these descriptions in London and I'm trying to make this reasonably anonymous. Just take my word for it...his voice is orgasm on a stick and he knows it.

After an hour and a couple of coffees things really began to thaw, and I don't just mean the weather.He suddenly grabbed the lapels of my coat and sort of lifted me into the air and REALLY kissed me. Now I'm 5'10", and although I am slim,I'm no little lightweight. (he's 6'5" by the way).It was a major swoon moment and from that moment on the guy had me. And that's when I started to lose him.

He plonked me on a seat and kissed and kissed and kissed me, like a pair of teenagers. (It's moments like that , that make you ok with the world). For the next couple of weeks we continued to talk on the 'phone. This guy was getting seriously horny now and starting to tell me all the delicious things he would do to me next time we met. Then he suddenly said we couldn't meet. He would have to sleep with me and it wouldn't be a meaningless shag, it would be quite significant and he wasn't emotionally ready for that. (Recently split from the mother of his kids, I forgot to mention that, but to be honest most of them are.) Well, if that's ever what a girl wants to hear it's that. I got myself round there like a shot.

Three orgasms later we fixed the next visit. Next visit, four climaxes and lots of meaningful other stuff that made me think, hmmm,we're going somewhere here. However, he was then posted off to Africa. Now I'm not a clingy woman and I'm cool with guys that travel and long breaks in relationships/fuck buddies/whatever. He said he would contact me from out there, although I said, Don't worry, I'm cool, if you're busy, it's not a problem. But he did...several times. I thought...he must really like me.(Is that a reasonable assumption?)

Then he came back. Nothing. I waited (like I said...not clingy). I waited some more. Still nothing. Ok...I was starting to get a bit pissed off. So were my mates as I kept asking them whether I should call or not. I called him . Nothing. And so on,,,blah blah blah you get the picture, right? Now, I am a realist, and I know peoples feelings change, particularly when other things in their life change, but it doesn't hurt to do the courteous thing and just let someone know you're not interested any more. I sent him an e-mail asking him if that was the case, and if so, could he let me know and all the best ,mate, etc...No answer.I think his motivation was getting me into him in the first place then it was goal reached, drop that one. I felt so hurt...incredibly so. It was quite painful actually to be persued so relentlessly and then dropped more quickly.

A couple of months later I was ok about it, getting on with my life, meeting others (enter the Beast...always good for taking a girls mind off things!) Cue contact out of the blue. He's missing me... wants to be friends... I'm the only one he can talk to....he's got a girlfriend. I talked back. Gave him 5 minutes of telling off then was my usual lovely self. Regular msn and e-mailing resumed. (Yes, yes...I know, I invite them in, don't I?). Off to Beruit. Loads of late night msn with webcam and a few naughty moments. (This is recent). Wants to meet when back in UK. Blah blah blah.

Well he's back in the UK and guess what...nil, nada, zilch, possibly dead. Who knows? Can anyone PLEASE tell me the psychology behind this? I'm too aware to be hurt again but I do have a soft spot for this guy and wish things had been different.

And now I think FM has done the same thing. (Still no contact. But the balls in his court now...he knows I'm interested. If he is then he'll call, if not then he won't. Me calling him won't change that, but I won't humiliate myself either.)

P.S. It's one of lifes ironies that the guys I really like are never the ones that like me and vice versa. Do you think there's someone out there that could ever possibly be the one to work both ways?

P.P.S. I spoke to the Beast today. He said talking to me made him feel perkier and he was really glad I'd rung. It was quite a nice feeling actually.I was just about to say, 'and I thought you only wanted me for my body' when he told me off as although we had only talked for 15 minutes he would now have to spend another 15 looking at my 'photo's with his dick in his hand. Oh what it is to be admired!

Now I'm just failing...

The picture is a visual representation of how I am feeling this morning.
I texted the FM and got no reply.I failed dramatically to remain cool and enigmatic. I know he was home last night as he was on the dating website for hours. (It tells you when people are on line.) Now, you know and I know I'm sad and desperate, but he doesn't and seemed dead keen 3 days ago. What did I do wrong?
Before you say it was the text that put him off, I didn't send it until 10pm so he had plenty of time to send one beforehand. Yet another one bites the dust and my fears have yet again been recognised.

Unless you believe in miracles.......I still do somewhere in there.

Trying to be cool and miserably failing

FM called me Monday night, and we talked for 1 1/2 hours! I can't think what about, but we did. That must be a good sign and thank you to any of you (including my spirits) who lent a hand there. He is going to France to see his son but doesn't know when (has to sort out work) but wants to see me before he goes and will be in touch.........so it's now 2 days later and I haven't heard a thing. My dialling finger is twitching like a twitchy thing from the planet twitch, the butterflies are returning and I'm getting snappy.

I have come to the conclusion I am a totally insecure person and if I don't get constant reassurance I go into severe decline.Pathetic ,isn't it? It must be a hangover from being married to a total and utter c**t for so long. When I finally meet someone I like I can't believe they're going to bother. (The camera man just reinforced that too....I believe he's well overdue a chapter in here and will be on these pages shortly. Miss it at your peril).

So 2 days isn't so bad really is it, and I will just have to sit tight and hope and pray and NOT CALL. That would be pushy and desperate. (I wonder who makes up these bloody rules? Do men feel they musn't call too soon so they don't look desperate? If you are an adult in your 40's and you like someone why can't you just call them? ) I anticipated these emotions tonight and have a couple of DVD's out to keep me occupied. I should have shagged him when I had the chance.

I'll let you know if he does.(Call that is)

I heard from the Hobbit. He's been in severe financial difficulty to the extent where he nearly gave up smoking, as he couldn't afford to buy any fags! Desperate times for us all, these days! He can't take me climbing yet as he is out of practice and might drop me. (I think that's a pretty good reason actually).We will go out for a drinkie soon though.Sweet boy!

Beast 2.

He just contacted me.
Has been working all weekend.
(Ha). Wants to see me.
Will have to wait. Hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

(I'm learning).

Vive La France

The beast has still not called. I am beginning to think the case of diarrheoa was probably a case of another woman. I hope she gives him the dose he deserves. Having said that, I'm not that bothered (Face?....Bovvered?....) as I spent the best part part of Sunday with an absolutely gorgeous French Man.
France and I have a long history-I love it, it tolerates me. I go there as much as I can. Last visit was Paris in June with some girlfriends to see Robbie Williams in concert. (Boy, did we have a BALL). Wandering the streets, hoovering in the atmosphere, perplexing the natives with my appalling french. Love it, love it, love it! I took my kids there in November to see the Mona Lisa (we are a very cultured family I'll have you know) but the Louvre was shut. So we just walked about and they loved it too. When we were a family of the conventional variety, we would go camping every year. I always vowed I'd live there one day . So when I meet French people, I also love them, which is uncommon as there is a traditional tension between the English and the French. I think it's because we are so geographically close but so different; most of my friends think it's because they're arrogant bastards who don't give a shit about anyone else. Fine.....more left for me then girls!

So...the delectable French Man met me at the station and we went for a coffee. Smiley face, voice like Sascha Distel, tall ,dark, slim, handsome,well dressed....I couldn't believe my luck . (Actually, it was a bit embarrassing as there was another bloke at the station who looked a bit like the 'photo and I was disappointed. I was walking up to the wrong guy when I heard FM say my name. What a relief. He was 20 times better! He was laughing his head off as he realised I was about to go for coffee with the wrong person. Hazard of blind dates....you have been warned!) Two coffees later I was buzzing on a caffiene high but not wanting to let things end. So, we went for a walk....a very long one. Then we suggested something to eat....and had a very long meal, then I did what you should never do and asked him back to mine. I JUST DIDN'T WANT IT TO END...OK? Now, I have promised two of my friends that I won't sleep with a guy until the fourth date as they believe I'm worth more than that. Me....I believe a good shag is what makes the world go round. However, their disaproving, tutting faces were in the back of my mind the whole bloody time, and so after 10 minutes of some very nice snogging in my kitchen of all places, the hands started wandering and I had to politely decline. ('I'd like to get to know you better first', I think the exact words were). In reality, I was gagging for it, and if I've lost this guy now because of YOU TWO......YES... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE......I'll never speak to you again.

Having said that, he was very reluctant to leave and only went as my kids were due back from Spain any minute, and we didn't think it would be terribly fitting for them to arrive back and find their mother red, panting and messy. (It was a bit obvious I was gagging for it. Another night with my mechanical bunny friend beckoned).

Anyone who reads this....(and my spirit guides too if you're listening, he's not a native American Indian, but can we overlook that just this once ,please?)..send out a little prayer to make this man mine! Or at least a 'phone call by the end of the day?

P.S. I haven't heard from the Hobbit after what I felt was a very successful date last week. I think I ought to call him as I don't want to miss the opportunity of going rock climbing. At the very least, I should get an interesting chapter on here about it!

Oh, and the kids are fine and had a great time ,by the way.

Beechy Head

I drove 2 hours and went for a walk along Beechy head today. I considered throwing myself off for about 10 seconds and then thought ,'Naaww' and sat down and had a sandwich instead.

Is there any body out there?

You may or may not have guessed that I'm at a major turning point in my life. In fact, I'm at such a major turning point that I have literally no idea which way to turn. The internet dating is a wonderful distraction but tends to leave one a little bereft at times. (For example, the Beast blew me out yesterday as he was feeling poorly. I ended up spending the day alone. Although my brother is convinced it was genuine....you don't mention diarrhoea unless you really have to. Lets face it, there are a million other excuses one could use!).

Ergo....if you want to catch a different type of fish you have to change your bait. Now...I only really do sexy, and seem to be attracting the wrong sort of blokes, ie: bastards, so thought I'd better get a little help from elswhere.

I went and had a reading done from a, well, I'm not sure what she was to be honest, but she was having a good old chat with the afterlife most of the time. Well, no one alive has given me any decent advice yet and these guys have the advantage of having been around a bit longer,ie: 10'000 years.It was totally fascinating and the spirits were apparently hovering around having a right old chin wag. Apparently, my job is going well and I'm being really effective and achieving my aims, but my boss told me that. The kids are happy that I'm apart from the ex and feel it's better for us to be that way, but they've already told me that. I'm confused about my life and need more wisdom, but I told them that.I was thinking, yes it's all true and hats off for telling me that but I'm not getting the advice/info I need here.

The spirits were very busy, I was informed because lots of people were calling on them as they were anxious about terrorists and Israel at the moment, and I would do better to come back at a 'less busy' time. (Moral....don't go to a psychic during times of world trouble, which is all of the time ,then).

However, it started to get rather interesting. My spirit guide is a native American Indian and he was having a conflab with some higher spirits as to what I should do. They were all a bit busy at the time, but said they would have a meeting that night when I was asleep as they would find it easier to channel into my energies. Then they would guide me in my every day life. I was to drink plenty of water when I went to bed and let the dead guys do the rest. Hmmmm...so a bunch of dead guys are going to have a meeting at the end of my bed tonight ,about me. DO YOU THINK I SLEPT A WINK??!!!! DID I FUCK!!!!

The psychic lady said I am going to meet a new person soon who has native American Indian roots, and my spirit guides are going to help introduce us. So no favouritism there then. Any guys in Surrey with the middle name Hiawatha, leave me a message as soon as possible, please.
Apparently we're made for each other.

Sex God with a Limp

Time to tell you about the Sex God with a Limp. That sounds cruel I hear you cry...well, I can assure that was a self imposed title by himself, along with the Hip Crip and Spaz. Why?..I hear you cry? He has MS, but that's not actually got anything to do with the guy really. Well, it has, but it doesn't define him, and when you spend time with him, you forget;until he falls over in a public place and you can't get him up again, that is. But the self imposed names are relevent as you will get later......

I met the Tall Guy (6'4"...and yes, if you're reading this, that's your nickname) about 18 months ago, and he saved my life.Still raw from the breakup and believing no one would ever shag me again up he popped . And before you ask, men with MS get it up very nicely thank you .

We fell madly in love very quickly (too quickly) and crashed and burned 8 months later. He had just split up with a fat meglomaniac of a wife after having an affair with a girl who lived 6'000 miles away, so was a bit of mess himself. He loved me from the absolute start ,I believe, because I had a very flat ,stretchmark free stomach compared to what he had been staring at for the last 18 years. People fall in love for the oddest reasons and that seems as good as any other. Me, I fell in love because he was the kindest, most generous, considerate, giving man I had ever met (and still is) and never once made me feel bad about myself. (If you met my ex you would understand why this is important,as he is the biggest egocentric ,control freak ,guilt inducing ,twat to ever walk the face of this planet.But I might devote a whole section to him later. Or maybe not...is he worth the airspace?).

However, the big downside of kind, generous, considerate, giving people is they rarely stand up for themselves, and frequently fail to give an opinion in case it causes offence.They also put themselves down constantly....see nicknames above. As a result, the Tall Guy was dominated and manipulated by the fat meglomaniac (still), the fat meglomainiacs sister,his daughter, one of his sons, his sister ,his father and ultimately, me. (Credit where credits due, his mother was a dream...never interfered once. I think she realised early on he needed to stand on his own two feet and kept her own counsel, but she underestimated the rest of us). It was when I began to recognise 'that tone' coming out of my own mouth I realised things had to change. As you can't change someones personality you can only change the situation. So the Tall Guy became the ex-Tall Guy, but hear this TG....I will always love you and if you ever receive hypnosis and start jackbooting around like most of the arrogant fucks on this planet, give me a call. Oh...and drive a bit faster will you....you're not 80 yet!

P.S. A little footnote here. He's met another woman who sounds great for him and he's now really happy, so anyone reading this and feeling sorry for him, it's me that's on my own now, not him! So, there probably is some divine justice going on somewhere.

The Beast

You may have noticed several references to the Beast. For obvious reasons I can't put real names on here and feel the people I'm talking about will be more memorable if I create an image through their name rather than using a boring pseudonym.

SO....the Beast. Well, some of you more experienced girls out there will know exactly where I'm coming from with this one. The guy tried to have 'phone sex with me before we even met, but I like a challenge and decided not to let that put me off. (And to be honest, it was horny).

We met (pretty quickly for internet dating, I have to say) and it didn't take long for us to get onto bedroom terms as he's just pure animal and makes me feel all girly and sexy at the same time. I have never met a guy so dedicated to the pleasure of women , and in my opinion should be out there running training courses to the 95% of men in the UK who just plain crap in bed. (And one French bloke I know....he has to wash his hands half way through, I kid you not. Personally, I think he could be gay as he's so repulsed by girls bits and pieces but he keeps calling me, so who knows.)

The Beast is also amazingly well endowed, and although he likes to show off with it a bit (particularly when he's let lose with a webcam) he also knows how to use it, and lets be honest girls, what more could we ask for? Fantastic bod too...works out daily.

He called me yeaterday evening. I was cleaning my teeth with an electric toothbrush when I picked up the 'phone. (Getting ready for a date as it happens, but more on that later). First comment when he heard the buzzing:

'At it already ?' Sex is never off his mind.

'No...cleaning my teeth'.

'So when are you working?'

'Tomorrow'.

I'll be over Friday morning then', he said. 'And give you a right good seeing to'.

'Ok....what time shall see you?'

I'll be there about 11. Will be leaving at 2, can't stay long'

Now call me old fashioned, but a little conversation would be nice. In some ways I'm flattered, it's nearly a 2 hour drive from where he lives and believe me, when you live in the UK that's about 1/2 of it, although he can drive it in and hour and 5. Everything he does is fast, furious and amazingly sexy. I want to pin him down for good but nothing would make him run faster. A complete animal. A beast. Addictive, dangerous, I'd be so much better off with out him, but God, does he spice up my little old life?! Will let you know how it goes.

Meanwhile, I went on a date last night. By the way this guy had described himself (short, wrinkly, no hair and pointed head ) I was expecting something resembling a hobbit, but actually the man who greeted me was a tad on the vertically challenged side but very smiley and attractive in a sort of cute way.(Did I tell you I'm 5'10"?) We were so different but got on like a house on fire. He is an ex-hippie, used to live in a commune squat in Amsterdam, had a pagan wedding and has had some weird spiritual experiences. I loved him, but we will never be a couple. He's going to take me rock climbing which should be a laugh considering I'm terrified of heights! From now on, he will be the Hobbit, but I mean it in the best possible way.

Oh...the Texan is keen but I gave him the 'F' word (friends) and he hasn't contacted me since. I can live with that.

Keeping busy

I have given up the ciggies this week so have been trying to keep busy, as if I don't I just hit the chocolate instead. My kids also flew to Spain with the ex and square face and I miss them so bad. It's either do something or watch my thighs expanding in front of me.

Result....I have totally ripped out my front garden and put in a new one . Oh yes, 3 days of hard graft, no help (and I did try and blag some, believe me), very sore hands , loads of scratches and it's completely different. Better in fact. but the main thing is ,IT'S MINE. Slowly but surely I am imprinting myself on this place and erasing the past. Wonderful.

I then got out the drill and tackled some other jobs that traditionally a man would do, but women are perfectly capable of when they haven't got one. I feel very smug and self satisfied tonight, and the day will be complete if I hear from the Beast.

I have to call an ex too, as he's going away tomorrow with his new girlfriend, who by all accounts is very nice and very cool about ex's and stuff. But he isn't, so I'm going to call him while she's there just to wind him up. More on him another time. Met him on the internet too as it happens. It's where it's all happenning these days.

Diary of a divorced serial internet dater

August 8th 2006.

So this is my first entry. Where does one start? How about a bit of history...divorced(just about), 41, female, 2 kids, got the house, attractive, tall ,blonde.

I decided to do this as my life has become so weird since I've started internet dating, my friends are endlessly intrigued, so I thought others could be too. If not, you can always switch me off I guess! I promise every word you read will be true.

I went on a date last night with a guy from Texas. He was very sweet but BOY could he talk. I just couldn't get a word in. Now, I can talk along with the best of them and have been known to hold court after a few glasses of wine, but I couldn't believe at one point I opened my mouth to speak 6 TIMES and still didn't manage it!. I traipsed home feeling deflated as one does after wasting another valuable night with a non starter.

I got on the internet and had a couple of e-mails from guys. One I couldn't even remember contacting (but apparently had) and one I'd given up on. I thought I'd scared him off as I gave him my 'phone number, but he's still there and willing. Just wants to be friends of course, but we'll see. Said he would call me today...I'm still waiting.The other ones French and cute..I'll get in touch later. There's also a 29 year old interested....should I, shouldn't I? Hmmm...we'll see.

Onto MSN and my fave guy (lets call him The Beast) was in cyberspace too, we got our webcams out and I'll just say got VERY saucy for an hour. This is one I really like but that's usually the kiss of death for me, so I'm playing it dead cool. I don't want to be playing games at my age but it still seems to be the way to go. Any thoughts on that would be gratefully received.

I would like to add I'm solvent, independent and not after a meal ticket, so why do guys behave like I'm trying to frog march them up the aisle. Perish the thought....this girl just wants to have fun.....